We open by responding to a listener’s comment about the double-edged sword of male self-reliance: the better one is at solving personal problems, the harder it becomes to ask for help. Later, we raise the obvious question, “Why can a man date much younger and be fulfilled, but it’s rare we see the reverse – a woman dating a much younger guy?” We didn’t resolve the question, so please comment with your thoughts. Next, we look at a popular blog post on WaitbutWhy.com that explains why Gen Y’ers are so unhappy. Unrealistic expectations and unmet demands come back to bite these youngsters in the ass… Perhaps, as Warren Buffett advocates, living a life of low expectations is the answer. Finally, we discuss the hurdle of “preciousness” in the creative process. Pete shares a powerful epiphany after witnessing a freak death and Paul finally learns the meaning of “Meet where the work is.”

  • Good episode! Great topics!

    One thing I read recently related to the entitlement generation is the importance of questioning “do I deserve X”. If someone wants to lose 20lbs. Do they deserve it? Are they making time to go to the gym every day? Are they counting their calories? Are they eating healthy? Are they getting advice from experts in the field on how to achieve their goal or are they buying slimfast and complaining that they didn’t lose 20lbs in a week like it says on the can?

    If someone wants to be rich, do they deserve it? If someone wants to be the best downhill skier in the world, do they deserve it? If someone wants to find an amazing mate and fall madly in love, do they deserve it?

    Anything anyone wants, they need to step back out of their bodies and look at themselves and ask does this person deserve that reward? Are they putting in the 100’s of hours learning the skill, hitting the gym, reading the books, interviewing the experts, learning how to do it to deserve achieving that goal because if they’re not, there is someone else right behind them that is willing to put in the work and take that goal for themselves!

    If the answer is no, then what do they expect? Don’t complain. Work harder!

  • Thanks Jason.

    Appreciate your thoughts. Keep posting.

    I agree. It is really about working hard and also being pig headed determined, slightly mad but also flexible. Being determined is key but also need flexibility. Being cool with putting yourself our there and making a complete tit of yourself from time to time.

    (not enjoyable but necessary)

    If someone is not prepared to fu*k up or be a fool then occasionally, I think that limits their options to very risk adverse pursuits, which ultimately will be less fulfilling and lack impact.

    The concept of talent is an invisible subjective/’thing’ that we use as an excuse for not following a certain path. I guess with sports related ambitions their is a physical aspect which is apart from an early age. To sing you need a good ear. etc etc. However, most people (unless completely deluded) will not seriously pursue a path where they have no ‘talent.’ I feel most of the time people have a enough talent to ‘make it.’ That is 10% of the puzzle at best. It is the the attitude and application of the talent that leads to success and a fulfilling vocational path.

  • TW

    *I think much of the subject matter you are tackling in this episode revolves around the subject of FEAR. Rational and irrational fear.

    It helps “me” to Recognize what i can control and what i can’t. Growing old, career success, finding a mate,…much of this i can’t control. Should I fear what I can’t control?….God i hope not. I had a successful RE company and was making Bank for YEARS. Then the market collapsed (sigh) and the money dried up. I had to adapt or die. As I look back on life, it was irrational FEAR that prompted me to make bad decisions—and the fear of being alone was one of them. I settled and got stung. Some men, have settled for a Mate just because they fear being alone. Some men have never been without a companion—is that considered an Attribute or a Liability? Some are tied down with companions who are Drug Addicts, Alcoholics, Shopping Nuts and yet they fear being alone—so much so that they op to stay in a “bad relationship” —-but at what cost?

    Good stuff Guys…Thanks!

    ~T.W.

  • N.S.

    Great show guys! I have been listening to every episode since day 1….

    I wanted share a thought about following your passion. I always thought that was the worst advice everyone ever gives. I believe you should follow your effort and bring your passion with you.

    I look forward to next weeks show!

    • Hey N.S.

      Firstly thanks for following from day one. I hope in years to come you can say ‘I was there from the beginning.’

      I have just been having a conversation around this topic with a lovely high achieving friend of mine. She is looking for her passion still. Do you think sometimes we have to earn out passion and not expect to just ‘have it?’

      I would love to hear your views expanded why you think following passion is worst idea and how you define ‘following your effort?’ Do you mean following effort as in what you are motivated to do most? Normally that is linked to passion.

      Love to hear more of your views on this as interesting take on it.

      Peter

  • Arron

    I really enjoyed this one. Some great perspectives on life, and especially the notion at the end of no one giving a f*ck – we live in a universe that is essentially indifferent. I completely agree that younger people are told they can do anything these days. Personally I think it’s doing what you love while being realistic – that’s the way I’m looking at segueing into personal training, and guitar teaching. If we didn’t push to be more we would end up depressed. (which is what has been happening in my personal job situation.) I’ve also noticed after going into my local uni this week, that many of the students are NOT prepared for real life; they mostly appear to have no concept of hard work and the actuality of having to till their own ground. Instead, they appear to accrue student loans and avoid reality.

    However, I disagree on the females being more emotional part of the podcast, since i’ve found it to be us men who are more sentimental. Myself and friends have had girls callously cut us off, with no regard, and treat men as placeholders/rebounds to fill voids. I know as guys we tend to do this by sleeping around BUT sometimes the dry spell can be longer for a man which ends up building more self reliance. I’ve also found that for women a boyfriend seems to be a bigger part of life in general. As in her friends may find it weird she doesn’t have a boyfriend. With hook up culture being embraced this has reduced a little.

    In direct contradiction to this, when i was 6, my 9 year old girlfriend wrote me a love letter and gave me a book. Hmm. But in my adult life through personal experience and others I’ve found women to be generally more resilient and able to deal with break ups, mostly by replacing guys quickly.

    Best,

    • Arron,

      I do agree, as far as generalizations go, that men can be more sentimental than women.

      There are plenty of men I know of (and have coached) who are devastated by a break-up; this is probably down to sentimentality as well as the fact that they broke their integrity in the relationship.

      What I mean by that is summed up in a phrase from the men’s movement that I think is full of power: “A man is devastated when a relationship ends in direct proportion to the degree to which he broke his terms during the relationship.”

      A simple definition of one’s terms is integrity: don’t betray yourself. In practice, this means don’t do things that work against your self-interest, or that you wouldn’t do on your own (but are doing only to please the girl).

      Also, I think men bury their feelings more, or have a difficult time expressing them; it’s rare you see a guy ball his eyes out publicly because of a breakup, even though he’s devastated inside.

      Paul

  • N.S.

    Peter,

    It seems as though “following your passion” is the template go to advice for everyone and I think it is 100% wrong if you are a young person trying to achieve more. I guess if money is not an object for you then yes do what ever you want follow your passion since you don’t need to earn a living.

    It terms of following passion and hobbies I think you have to separate the two. You might want to ask do my career goals align with my financial goals and what are my hobbies vs what is my job. Too many people put the cart before the horse and want their hobby to be a career goal. If you can make a go of that do it but, for many that plan will not work.

    If you tell a kid who just sits around all day playing video games to follow your passion then one might think logically that he/she should be a computer programmer designing games. I think that idea is a stretch for most people. Vice vera you might see someone who studied accounting in school but, decided music was their passion so they followed that until they ran out of money. What might be better advice is stick with accounting do the best you can and use that to pivot to something else you might like better after some success. Who knows maybe you will be able to work in the music industry? That’s following your effort. Or maybe music should just be a week-end thing and the accounting gig pays the bills so you can enjoy your hobby?

    Here is what Mike Rowe has to say about following your passion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT1i26RbrhM

    Passion is a luxury so yes it must be earned. Kids born into wealth usually follow passion some are successful some are not but, if you ask them how to make $1M they probably will tell you ask dad for some money.

    Hope that made sense?

    NS

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