We call this episode Empathy for the Other Sex. What are the frustrations and challenges of living as a woman which men don’t fully appreciate? How come women are blind to the hardships and difficulties that we, as men, face? In this show, we try to step into the other gender’s shoes and look at life from their perspective. Among the ideas explored: attractive women becoming suspicious of duplicitous male motives; the double-edged sword of using one’s looks to gain an advantage in social or professional interactions; the moment in which a woman’s sexual magnetism evaporates; and the fickle nature of male sexual attention. Many of these things contribute to the modern female’s building cynicism towards men and dating. We also explore the profound trade-offs women face between family and career. On the male side, Paul emphasizes the weight of cultural expectations which men carry. Most males of his generation are saddled with post-war ideas about masculinity: that the man must be strong, the breadwinner and head of household. This idea is extremely handicapping. It delays a man’s emotional and relationship development until he is “ready” to commit to a woman. Establishing oneself so that leading a family becomes a viable option has become nearly impossible in many expensive global cities. In this way, both men and women are shortchanged by such outdated ideas about what it is “to be a man.” Unfortunately, women still sexually respond to this archetype, ensuring it will linger. Pete observes his female friend dismiss several effete males in a bar. When a macho guy finally approaches her, she rejoices, “Now, there’s a proper man!”

  • Valentino

    Interesting discussion Pete& Paul at the 30min mark.
    Single women are generally the ones who are in denial, they then follow the phenomenon you highlight, they shout “I’m cool, I’m empowered, an independent woman, I don’t need no man!”. No one is obliged to be a spinster, cities are full of great guys, if only the girls choose a guy before they lost their own value in his eyes (the ability to have a family of 2+ kids).

    The medical stats are startling:
    At age 40, a woman has only 3% of her eggs left, 97% wasted down the toilet.
    Beyond age 35, fertility is half that of a girl in 20s. Trying for a child for 2 years, will only be successful 30% of the time for these older primigravida.

    If a man and a woman would like 2 children, we can calculate back, how long that will take. assuming the final pregnancy is at age 35, they would have had their 1st child when she was 33. They would have got married at 32, and moved in together at 31, and met each other at 30. That’s the absolute minimum. you have to get to know someone before you live together, marry, and then have children.

    So women reading this, if you really want kids, enjoy your 20s, but do try and pick a great guy before you run out of time.

    • Peter

      Thanks Valentino

  • Matt Barlow

    Enjoyed the listen.

    “both men and women are shortchanged by such outdated ideas about what it is “to be a man.” Unfortunately, women still sexually respond to this archetype, ensuring it will linger”

    Disagree with this, there is nothing unfortunate or outdated about the traditional idea of being a man, I’d argue that it’s the modern archetype of being a man that is screwing up relationships between the sexes.

    Self reliance, resourcefulness, taking action, facing hardship, determination, the will to succeed, long term vision, being able to protect her, and having emotional and physical strength.

    These are all traditional male values and they should be promoted, it’s right that a woman responds with “Now, there’s a proper man” when faced by a guy that has them.

    Attraction isn’t negotiable, the young modern man has been sold a lie, that he can just be himself and women will flock to him.

    No, work hard, realise it’s traditional masculine men that women want and mold yourself into becoming that archetype for your own good as well as hers.

    Looking forward to the next podcast.

    • Paul Janka

      Good point, Matt. How do we change current expectations of men? Men seem to becoming “soft” because of modes of parenting, feminism, cultural messaging, taking the easier route, etc. How can we realistically turn that ship around? Do you think the consequences of the new order will sow the seeds of a neo-masculinity that will resurface once people miss traditional men? Also, do you think anything has been gained by men becoming more emotionally sensitive and communicative (i.e. more feminine)?

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