In this episode, the men discuss sacrifice. Learning how to sacrifice things in your life – how to kill things – is a prerequisite for maturity. Many of us grow up with multiple dreams, lots of friendships, myriad romances and many other distractions. Paul admits that by 40 he had to learn the painful lesson that indulging in every opportunity was costing him purpose and, ultimately, a satisfying life. Pete confesses that though his progress at 31 is acceptable, he wouldn’t be satisfied if his life was in the same place by 40. Standards of behavior and lifestyle need to change as we age; sacrifice is how we get there. The men also discuss the uniquely challenging prospect of a “creative life” since success is determined by “getting it right” and not just by following a predefined protocol, as in most careers. Finally, the guys discuss Steven Spielberg and Pete convinces Paul that Spielberg would have succeeded in any business venture – he just happened to choose film. This is because his “product” is entirely customer-focused, avoiding any personal indulgence that won’t resonate with audiences.

  • Thanks for this episode gents. And for the podcast as a whole.

    The golden decade is indeed fraught with strange growing pains and you manage to cover a lot of poignant topics (marriage, family, maturity, financial freedom, focus, etc.) from a variety of perspectives.

    This episode struck a chord with me because Paul hit on a truth that, if I’m honest, I’d rather not face.

    Which is that you really can’t – although lord knows you’d really love to – have your cake and eat it too.

    And it’s increasingly the case as you age.

    Want marriage and kids? Better tone down the philandering (Asia) or stop it completely (Anglosphere).

    Want business success? Stop chasing shiny objects at every turn (As an online business guy I’m perennially guilt of this) and focus on one thing.

    What I inferred from Paul’s comments on this and other eps is that you should establish a clear hierarchy of the things that are most important to you at a certain point in your life (let’s say early 30s for instance) and pursue those things unabashedly.

    Once you’ve gone fully into something like shagging legions of chicks, you can really appreciate the advantages of a loving, supportive, long term relationship with a wonderful woman.

    On the other hand, you’re bound to find yourself reminiscing about the glory days when you could swoop honeys ad libitum.

    You can try to have both vis-a-vis the discrete unfaithfulness model practiced since time immemorial (Italy – gumadas | Thailand – multiple wives, mistresses | Muslim countries – polymarriage, etc.) but you run the risk of sabotaging the primary arrangement.

    That would make for a fascinating show by the way guys – sexual coping strategies for highly sexed men conditioned for endless variety who are now in a long term relationships and enjoying every aspect EXCEPT the lack of sexual variety which is arguably a non-negotiable criterion for men with decent T levels).

    If I may offer one constructive criticism which struck particularly during this episode: gentlemen, you’re speaking over each other a lot.

    It sounds less like a conversation lately and more like taking turns to speak.

    In any case, I look forward to more episodes and the book you’re penning Paul.

    Onward and upward!

    • Paul Janka

      Vic,

      Appreciate the comments, my friend. Yes, we all have to make choices, eventually. I like that you picked up on the key twist, which is that an uncommitted life becomes untenable as you get older. By 40, it’s impossible to “have it all” – you have to make some commitments. I was a great Jack of All Trades/Plate Spinner when I was younger, but things started to wobble in my mid 30’s. Time is relentless, and mid-life success depends increasingly on the people we surround ourselves with. And those folks are on their own timeline and won’t always wait. Youth is a much easier game, I’m realising, but I didn’t know it then!

      Keep up the comments and spread the word.

      Cheers,
      Paul

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