In a bit of Podcast Verité the guys break the 4th wall as they launch into a discussion of Why Dates Go Wrong. Meandering, Paul admits to his continued astonishment at being married; he thought of it as something “other people do.” Instead of the marriage stereotypes emblazoned on boardwalk t-shirts – “Game Over” – Paul has found that he loves having a playmate to come home to at night. This anticipates a section later in the podcast, in which Paul claims that open communities evaporate by 40; a single, 42-year-old guy has nowhere to go. In their discussion of first date follies, the guys talk about key attributes of a “successful dater”: calm, pragmatic, stoic, not proud, thick-skinned. Paul talks about his days in NYC as a rigid, unyielding dater who minimized “degrees of freedom” to devastating effect. Peter and Paul discuss the perils of the 2nd date and joke that it should be eliminated altogether; more earnestly, they wonder which areas in ourselves we can accept and which we need to improve. Somehow, they get on the topic of frivolous youth and wonder if the iconic billionaires of today have cast a pall over people’s 20’s – a theme discussed in The Billionaire Bust Up | Episode 14. Later, Pete tells us the #1 problem in modern dating is too much choice and adds a personal note, joking that he’s been the victim of a “sympathy date” but also that he likes to underperform in the early days to keep expectations in check. Paul is worried about the lack of relationship skills out there among young singletons – one girl Pete knows refuses to date an inexperienced man, saying she doesn’t want him to make his first mistakes on her. Paul understands the Achilles’ Heel of Mr. Single, dating-machine-extraordinaire: his inability to properly service a relationship. The relationship transition for Paul was tough, at times, and through it he learned first-hand why IKEA is kryptonite to single men. Paul pitches his upcoming e-book, On Marriage, and explains his take on the 5 Steps to the Altar: dating, courtship, cohabitation, engagement and marriage. Finally, the guys get nostalgic for youthful spontaneity and Pete worries that logistics will crowd out romance in his future relationships.

  • Matt Barlow

    Good podcast guys, non-reactive combined with abundance mentality are the key to any dating scenario. You still need boundaries with women, pre-relationship stage it’s easy as you just withdraw attention, but once you commit then what are you gonna do, not talk to your girlfriend for a week? 😀

    I’m finding being in a relationship more difficult, when I sort of expected the opposite. The rewards are worth it though, if you find the right girl.

    As a man though you always have to be prepared to walk away. I’d also argue that what is important isn’t women, but actually to find your purpose and pursue that. Women will see your dedication and drive and want to be a part of your life.

    Last comment, you guys have mentioned a few times, that you can’t say something because “my mother / wife / sister.. etc.. ” might be listening. I think you need to stop doing that, they are not your listening base, this is for men. So don’t filter out what you are going to say, it makes for more interesting listening. Tell your wife / mother etc.. not to listen if they find anything that upsets them.

    Keep it up guys, looking forward to the next one.

    • Peter

      You are so right. I am guilty of that. The issue is, I go to say something and I worry I will offend (when the truth is they don’t care and what I am about to say is not THAT bad) but I guess that comes from a need to protect (or avoid) but from a professional stand point you make a great point. I kinda struggle with talking about experiences. I want more, to talk about big ideas no gossip.

      How mad is this? A girls (who I referenced in the podcast….not by name) has been in touch and we’ve been seeing each other ( I think she listened… we recorded it a couple of months ago) and we have just been talking about purpose. I was saying I am SOOOOO passionate about cooking. I cook when I am not hungry for the creative process, to relax and I dream about ideas for dishes. However it is NOT my purpose. Passion is moment to moment. Purpose lasts through thick and think. You are bang on in all mentioning that!

      Do please share this Ep and subscribe to


      . We are getting more and more listeners week by week but you sharing and telling a few buddies really helps.

      Keep commenting as you make a lot of sense and good constructive feedback!

      Cheers Man


  • Matt Barlow

    you “missed arse over tit” 😀

    • Peter

      That made me laugh so much @disqus_jlHdCTbs1G:disqus Do you watch Only Fools?

  • Paul Janka

    Good stuff, guys. I agree with you Matt that a relationship is much more difficult than dating, once you’ve mastered the game. To maintain a healthy and harmonious relationship over years requires a new set of skills. I think that’s the next frontier for men who want to settle down and start a family. What a learning curve it is…!

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